ZARAI.ZARAI.ZARAI.

junglejustine:

My life is beautiful. At this moment in time I can’t complain. No, I don’t have a guy I call up at night and vent to but I do snuggle up with my accomplishments. I wonder if I would have been involved with a man would I have gotten to this place where I am truly living the dream. I’m young, I’m doing what I love and living freely.

oh justine , you’re quite lovely.

I transfer to UCSD. I want to live in a dorm, just like my friend Karen. She lives a life that’s all her own. She’s so independent, I wonder if she ever gets lonely. It must be lonely. I can’t see how I can live without my mother. I guess I’m not that prepared. But when the moment does come, the first thing I’d like is a coffee maker. Books and little nick nacks everywhere just like her. Plastic posters of Gustav Klimt art on my walls. Live simple and free. Yet, determined to have intellectual humility. I love my friend, Karen. She’s the best.

junglejustine:

I have no one to confide in. At least that’s the way it feels sometimes. Everyone I’ve ever cared about that wasn’t blood related or a childhood friend has turned their back on me when I needed them most only to pop up when they realized I fixed my life’s dillema’s on my own. People that only wanted to be around for the good but had no idea how to handle my bad times.

I do everything on my own.

I don’t know how to care for people if I haven’t known you my entire life. I shut people out so easily and I don’t trust anyone. Actually, I don’t even use the word trust that much because as far as I’m concerned people will break my trust in one way or another.

I just don’t even bother with people anymore. I used to try to give people a chance but I only ended up being proven right in the end. I blame myself for it, I blame others for it. I don’t know who to point the finger at because I know this isn’t normal, I know my inability to connect to people isn’t normal.

I have no desire to love, no desire to be in a relationship because it’s always the same fucking outcome. I hate everyone that leaves me even though I tell them I don’t. Hate is a strong word but every person that walks out just pushes me further away from ever being able to trust. So yea, I hate these people.

I don’t know what to do.

 i hear ya’

captainkirk:

1991:

I really hate that I get embarrassed about things that happened a long time ago and probably no one else remembers what happened. sometimes I just have a lot of hate for myself, other times I dislike myself. I’m a little fucked up I guess.